I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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