I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
