I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
