I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
