we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
