Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
