I want to have your abortion
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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