so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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