no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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