woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
