Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
