soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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