i barfeds in our rink
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have peed in a lot of sinks
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
