Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
