can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
