I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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