This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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