Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
