dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
