why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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