I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
