Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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