How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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