so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
