Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
