someone get that fucking seahorse.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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