I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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