do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
