dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
