Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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