If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
