My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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