so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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