Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and she was petting her beer can
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
