I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
