420 ftw
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
