I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
