i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
