the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
