my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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