woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
