it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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