hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
