i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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