life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
