As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
