what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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