sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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