just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
