I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
