I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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