you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
