I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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