D3 body, D1 cock
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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