If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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