Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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