well you can't waste a boner
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
