I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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