I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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