I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
