I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
