dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
