Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
