I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
