hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
