I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
